Young Robert, about the witch of Dornan woods: What if she turns me into a toad?
Young Duncan: Who'd know the difference?

Duncan: So, how did you find me? Witchcraft?
Cassandra: Why bother. It's the 20th century, I used a detective agency.

(Duncan is about to fight Roland Kantos) Cassandra: What are you doing?
Duncan: I guess asking him to dance is out of the question.

Cassandra: Duncan, listen to me. The prophecy tells of a highland foundling, born on the winter solstice, who passes through darkness into light and survives, to challenge the voice of death.
Duncan: Really. Is this before or after I slayed the dragon?

Duncan is about to fight Roland Kantos.
Cassandra: What are you doing?
Duncan: I guess asking him to dance is out of the question.

Ian MacLeod to Mary MacLeod: Duncan's our son. He always will be - if he still lives.

Cassandra: Do they not tell a tale in your village of a man in your grandfather's time that died and yet came back to life?
Young Duncan: Of course - Connor MacLeod - but that's just a clan legend. It's just a story.
Cassandra: Some stories are true.

Kantos: Or don't you believe in signs?
Duncan: Oh, no, I believe in signs. Don't litter, don't step on the grass, no spitting.
Kantos: I prefer 'rest in peace'.

Duncan: So if you saw my future, did you see the life I'd lead? Did you see my father disown me? Or did you see Tessa, dying for a chunk of change?

Young Duncan: I bet I married Debra Campbell!
Present Duncan: I wish you had.

Richie: You guys know too much.
Joe: So I've been told.

Richie: So, um - I guess I owe you one.
Duncan: No, I owe *you* one.

Joe: Helluva thing - weighing ethics and honour against a friend's life.

Duncan to Richie: You wanna fight Clay, you get in line!

Duncan: If he takes me, he'll take you too.
Richie: Then don't let him.

Joe, approaching Duncan and Carl and holding out his hand: Hey. Joe... Dawson.
Carl ignores the gesture.
Joe: Well, let's just say I have a soft spot for Immortals.
Carl: Well, I guess anybody that can play Delta blues like that can't be too shabby.
Joe: Thank you, sir. You know, I'd have to say the same thing about anybody who could strike out Ken Griffey, Jr. twice in one game.
Carl laughs and they shake hands.

Duncan to Joe, about Betsy: I think she likes you!

Duncan sees the wig on the manikin in Joe's storage locker.
Duncan: I'm not even going to ask.

Duncan (about Johnny K.): First he shot me, and then he tried blowing me up!

Joe: So what are you gonna do? Just sit here?
Duncan: No, I thought I'd go out and let him shoot me.

Duncan: So, Joe Dawson to the rescue.
Joe: Hey, jes' like the Lone Ranger, man.

Joe, about Duncan: Scotsmen.

Joe: Ah, believe me, the pleasure's all mine.
Betsy: Not all of it. [She kisses him.] Oh, my.
Joe: Gee, ah, Betsy. I... I never expected to... whoo... I think maybe I'd better leave, okay?
Betsy: Why? Is it past your bedtime?
Joe: No.
Betsy: Midnight auditions at the club?
Joe: No.
Betsy: Oh, I know! It's that beer tap. It's broken again, isn't it?
Joe: No, it's just...
Betsy: What?
Joe: You know.
Betsy: No, I don't know.
Joe: It's just all moving kinda a little fast... I... ah... I don't know if this is such a good idea.
Betsy: It is if you want it to be.
Joe: It's not that simple.
Betsy: Right now, it is. Do you want this?
Joe: Yes.

Johnny K.: You're a dead man, MacLeod.
Duncan (sarcastically): I'm scared.

Duncan: Can we take this up later? I'm expecting some target practice.
Joe: Well, good. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll shoot me.

Duncan: Sword, Johnny! Remember? That's how we do it!

Amanda (reading from Carolyn Marsh's book): This was the man her father had hired to protect her: this barbarian... this smoky-eyed Scot... this... Duncan MacLeod!
Duncan: What? [Water sprays everywhere] WHAT?!

Terence: I say, MacLeod, you could use a bath.
Duncan: That's not me, that's the horse.

[Amanda and Carolyn are fighting over Duncan]
Duncan: Ladies! Ladies! I can walk.

Carolyn: Duncan MacLeod exists because we want him to exist. We need him to exist.
Amanda: So you don't think it's the same guy?
Carolyn: Are you nuts? He'd have to be immortal!

Amanda: Oh, you love being the ol' Scottish action hero.
Duncan: Don't be ridiculous. [Some sexy women walk past and eye him] But I guess I'll have to live with it.

Amanda: She called me a cheap whore and a thief! I was never cheap!

Terence: She needs to have an accident... break her writing arm... have her jaw wired.
Amanda: Hmm... no, I'd use poison... maybe a big rock... What about a stake through the heart?

Carolyn: Why, Duncan, that would be premature evacuation, n'est-ce pas?

Carolyn, hitting the nail on the head: Duncan MacLeod is every woman's sexual fantasy: a warrior with the heart of a poet.

Amanda, catching Carolyn trying to ravish Duncan: Well, yippee-kai-yay, the rodeo's in town.

Terence: 'As Duncan's lips crushed her to him, her hands went to his britches.'
Duncan: Kilt.
Terence: Bastard!

Carolyn: Look, I don't need advice from a cover model. Are you gonna do this 'Duncan MacLeod' thing or not?
Duncan: Hmmm... not!
Tim: Well, who's gonna wear the kilt?
Duncan: Mel Gibson!

Duncan: She tried to get me to wear a kilt!
Amanda: Really? I... I kinda like you in a kilt. You've got... nice legs.

Amanda: What would the real Duncan MacLeod do?
Duncan: I am the real Duncan MacLeod!

AMANDA:(wearing a $8000 dress) I bought it!!
DUNCAN:  With what, a library card?

Duncan, in 'French director' mode, hugging the mechanic: I love zis man! I love 'im!

Duncan: That Immortal just robbed that armoured car!
Amanda: So? He saw it first!

Duncan: Are you nuts? How many times did you get shot?
Cory: Oh, I dunno. More than Bonnie, less than Clyde... What's the difference?

Duncan: You know what they say - two's company, and four is... not sanitary.

Amanda: Cory is a pro.
Richie: Cory is an ass.
Amanda: You're just saying that because he ran over you.
Richie: Twice!

Duncan, after being blown up: Don't even touch me!
Cory: Oh, come on, Macky boy!
Duncan: And don't call me Macky boy!
Cory: Oh, yeah, yeah, no problem. Hey, no hard feelings, all right?
Duncan: Oh, no, why let a little thing like being blown up come between us, huh?!

Richie, about Duncan: He went to San Francisco to whack the son of a bitch who killed her husband.
Joe gives him an odd look.
Richie: What?
Joe: Richie... you're the son of a bitch who killed her husband.

Richie: Mac is going after the wrong guy!
Joe: Well, let's pray to God that he doesn't have a bad day.

Duncan to Kragan: You should see the look on your face.

Duncan, after beheading Kragan: Cut. Print. That's a wrap.

Richie to Duncan: I'm sorry I killed your friend.

Joe: Richie, I mean, you thought you were doing the right thing.
Richie: Yeah, I know, but did I have to sleep with his wife?

Richie: Yeah, well, I got a much simpler theory - I'm an idiot.
Joe: There's always that.

Joe: You know, in all our records, there's only one mention of an Immortal killing on holy ground.
Duncan: Yeah?
Joe: Well, it's never been confirmed. It's... ah...it's more of a legend, about two guys going at it in a temple in Italy.
Duncan: Yeah, and...?
Joe: It was in Pompeii. 79 AD.

Duncan: How do you watch a pirate?
Joe: Well, you become one.
Duncan looks surprised and skeptical.
Joe: Hey, who says a Watcher can't be a pirate?
Duncan: Oh.
Joe: Say your guy likes the opera, you go to the opera. Say your guy takes a... takes a notion to go to the New World? Well, you grab a hand spike, you sign on.

Richie, about the fake Methos: Listening to him is like listening to some kinda saint.
Duncan, thinking he means the real Methos: He's no saint, and I don't care how old he is, he's wrong.

Real Methos: Hey, grab a beer, there's a cold one in the fridge.
Duncan: Yeah, I know, it's my fridge.

Real Methos: Yak butter plays hell with the digestion.

Real Methos, about Fake Methos: He wanders around the place spreading his message to other Immortals.
Duncan: Using your name!
Real Methos: Well, it's not like it's got a patent or anything.

Real Methos: Some young sucker's always gonna fall for it.
Duncan: Richie has.
Real Methos: Voila.

Real Methos: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Real Methos: I left Katmandu for this?!

Fake Methos to Duncan: Yes, I knew Darius.
I know what he tried to do for you, how much he loved you.
Would he be proud of this?

Real Methos: A lot of people might want the head of a five thousand year-old man.
Fake Methos: A lot of people might want to listen to a five thousand year-old man.

Joe: I did some checking on this Methos flake. [Duncan and Real Methos look at him] The other one.

Duncan to Real Methos: Turning the other cheek only gets you slapped harder
Joe to Real Methos: You are one calculating son-of-a-bitch.

Richie, about Real Methos: I mean, this has gotta be some kind of joke. Joe, help me out here. I mean, five thousand years of wisdom - him?
Joe: Well, I dunno about the wisdom. But, uh, yeah, five thousand, that's about right.

Culbraith: Is this the part where I beg for mercy or where you say we don't have to do this?
Richie: Neither.
[*WHACK!*]

Methos, Joe and Duncan at a boxing match.
Methos: So, what - you and Joe - you wanna sponsor this... event?
Joe: Hey, c'mon, man, Charlie woulda loved this.
Duncan: We figured a place like this, we can keep the kids off the street.
Methos, sarcastically: Yeah, that's really important, 'cause out in the streets you can get hurt.

Methos: If they carry a sword and I haven't been formally introduced, I get shy.

Methos: Look at this. It's an exhibition of Greek antiquities.
Duncan: Oh, yeah, I can't wait. A two thousand five hundred year-old garage sale.
Methos: Listen - some of this stuff could be mine.

Joe: Just what is so entertaining?
Methos: MacLeod tussling with another of his, um, moral dilemmas.
Duncan: There are times I really don't like you.
Methos: That's okay. Sometimes I don't like myself.

Duncan: It must be quite a responsibility being judge, jury, and executioner.

Ingrid: I'm not afraid, Duncan. The worst they can do is shoot me.

Duncan: Since when are you my attorney?
Methos: Whatever you need: lawyer, doctor, Indian chief - I've got paperwork to cover it all.

Duncan (to Methos): Oh, I forgot. We're talking to the only guilt-free man in the western world.

Inspector: When I was a little boy everything was black and white, good and evil, you see. Then I grew up and discovered there was only grey.

Methos: I mean, I know how tall Nero was, I know Caesar's favourite food, I know Helen of Troy didn't have that great a face, and it only launched a hundred ships, not a thousand, I --
Duncan: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

Methos: You expecting someone?
Duncan: Maybe it's one of your fanclub.

Methos to Cassandra: I am Methos. You live to serve me. Never forget that.

Duncan: What are you running from, the question or the answer?
Methos: There is no answer, MacLeod. Let it be.

Methos: The times were different, MacLeod. I was different. The whole bloody world was different.

Duncan: Did you kill all those people?
Methos: Yes. Is that what you wanna hear? Killing was all I knew. Is that what you want to hear?
Duncan: It's enough.
Methos [slamming Duncan up against the 4 by 4]: No! It is not enough! I killed - but I didn't just kill fifty, I didn't just kill a hundred - I killed a thousand! I killed *ten* thousand! And I was good at it! And it wasn't for vengeance. It wasn't for greed. It was because - I liked it. Uhuh. Cassandra was nothing. Her village was nothing. D'you know who I was? I was Death! [Duncan slams Methos against the 4 by 4; Methos laughs] Hahahaha! Death! Death on a horse! When mothers warned their children that the monster would get them, that monster was me. I was the nightmare that kept them awake at night. Is that what you want to hear? The answer is yes. Oh, yes.
Duncan: We're through.

Silas: So, what is this place?
Methos: This is Kronos' idea of Camelot.

Methos: Have you read Aristotle's poetics? No, of course not. You haven't even seen Casablanca.

Cassandra, about Methos: Will you kill him, Duncan? Can you kill him?
Duncan: If I have to.

Duncan: Killing can't erase what happened. Only living can do that.
Cassandra: Nothing can do that.

Duncan: Why'd you lie to me?
Methos: About what?

Methos: What I've done, you can't forgive. It's not in your nature.

Cassandra: If MacLeod knew who you really are, he'd have taken your head long ago.
Methos: Well, he had his chance. He didn't.

Duncan: The Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse... doesn't exactly have the same ring, now does it, Kronos?

Silas: She's yours, Brother.
Methos: I am not your brother.

Kronos: You still don't understand, do you, MacLeod? I am the end of time!
Duncan: You're history.

Methos: I killed Silas! I *liked* Silas!

Cassandra, wanting to behead the Old Guy: You want him to live?!
Duncan: Yes. I want him to live. Cassandra! I want him to live!

Richie: No, thanks. Last time I had a drink with a girl I wound up handcuffed to a strange bed.

Richie: Oh, great. So he's not just a crook and a sponge, he's also a hack.

Richie, about the Ferrari: I didn't steal it, I borrowed it, and I had every intention of bringing it back until I was drugged and kidnapped!

Richie: Every time it's a girl, you always assume --
Duncan: I wonder why.

Richie: So, uh - where is Marina?

Duncan: This is beginning to be fun.

Richie: But, Mac, I'm supposed to be a millionaire.
Duncan: Yeah, but you're not a millionaire. You don't have two million dollars. You don't have one million dollars. In fact, you still owe someone a Ferrari.

Richie: I dunno, Mac - she drugged me, kidnapped me, tied me to a bed. If you ask me, I think that's a pretty solid foundation for a relationship.

Richie: Marina... [27 times]

Duncan comes crashing through a window under a bridge.
French passerby: M'sieur, are you hurt?
Duncan: I'm okay. I had a smashing time. [He gets up, groaning.] Remember, don't try this at home.

Xavier to Morgan: Never bloody your hands unless you must. Thus endeth the first lesson.

Duncan: Xavier.
Xavier: MacLeod. I'm touched you remembered.
Duncan: One can hardly forget those that kill their friends.

Morgan: You've got thirty seconds.
Duncan: That's fifteen more than I need.

Duncan to Richie: Put your eyes back in your head, Romeo. That's Anna, her mother. So behave yourself.

Richie gets out of dancing: I'd love to, you know, but too many left feet.

Don Diego: Where does a gentleman learn to dance like a gypsy?
Consone: Perhaps he was a gypsy - in a former life.

Consone: I thought you had hopes of becoming a gentleman someday, MacLeod. But here you are, living in a dump on the river.

Richie: If Consone beat you before, he might beat you again.
Duncan: I'm better now.
Richie: Yeah, but maybe he is too.

Consone: Highlander. I always seem to find you sniffing around my women.

Richie: Duende. I'm learning, Mac.

Amanda: Did you know this was a convent once?
Keane: Next you're gonna tell me you're a nun.
Amanda: Tempting. But black is my colour.

Duncan to Amanda: I like you with all your parts intact.

Methos to Amanda: Do you wanna knock a bit louder? I don't think they heard you in Philadelphia.

Keane, after Methos tricks him: You bastard.
Methos: Sticks and stones.

Keane: What happened to your friend?
Duncan: It's Tuesday. He doesn't take heads on Tuesdays.

Methos: There are some questions about life that only the dead can answer.
Byron: Only the dead, and poets!

Byron: Hans Kerzner. He thinks I slept with his wife.
Claire: Did you?
Byron: Of course!

Byron, about the insensible Mary Shelley: I say we take her. We push the bounds of our passion to Heaven itself!
Methos: And I say we leave before we push the bounds of decency.

Methos, to Byron: Put it [the sword] away and let her be. I would rather have your poetry than your head.

Byron: Who do you think's having more fun?
Methos: Who do you think's gonna live the longest?

Methos: I don't want a tombstone.

Byron, when Duncan comes after him: Let me guess. You want an autograph.

Duncan: I have no idea what I'm up against.
Richie: I think it's, 'What are WE up against?'
Duncan: According to Landry, it's coming for me.
Richie: Yeah, well - I'm not going anywhere.

Duncan to Methos and Joe: So where are the men in the white coats?

BREW (the Big Red Evil Whatever): You don't even understand your place in this, do you?

BREW: [as Richie] I'm your friend. I'm not your friend. [As Horton] I'm the man you can't kill.

Duncan: Richie?

Duncan, after beheading, we think, Richie, holds his sword out to Methos.
Methos: Absolutely not.
Duncan: Take it.
Methos walks away.