Hideo: If they see you, you will be crucified.
Duncan looks unphased.
Hideo: And then beheaded.
Duncan: That's a thought.

Duncan: It looks like raw octopus. [Silence. He eats it.]
Maja: It IS raw octopus.
Duncan: *Gulp* It's delicious.

Duncan: I bathe once a month!
Maja: You smell like it!

Maja: Wash outside tub, soak inside tub, it is Japanese custom!
Duncan: This is a Scottish body, and it can wash itself!

Joe to Duncan about his new bar: Hey, MacLeod. What do you think? Is it me?
Duncan: Truth? I'd say it was a little out of character.
Joe: Ha! You know, I wasn't born in the museum. In fact, I'm kinda tired of hanging around with old antiques like you.

Joe: What do you need?
Richie: Advice.
Joe: Advice. So you come to Joe's. Everybody comes to Joe's. Talk to me.

Amanda: I hear you're one of those guys who likes to watch.
Joe: It's, aah, clinical. For history. We don't get involved.
Amanda: Hmm. Well, tell me, umm, do you watch us do everything?
Joe: Only the things I can't get arrested for.

Joe: I didn't even get a look at the bastard's face.
Duncan: You did what you could.
Joe: Yeah? Well, that was not enough! Do you know what that feels like?
Duncan: Yes.
Joe: Do you?!
Duncan: Yes. I do.
Joe: Well, then, do something for me.
Duncan: Whatever you need.
Joe: You help me find this son of a bitch!

Thorne: Time to go, Mr. Dawson.
Joe: Drop dead.

Duncan to Richie: What have you been doing all this year, knitting?

Joe, about Kenny:   Let me guess. When you found him, he was hiding somewhere. He was scared; he was crying. He said an Immortal had killed his teacher.
Richie nods.
Joe: That's his M.O.

Richie: So this thing that's coming after you, this is not a real thing, it's like a... uh... a Freddy Krueger kinda thing.

Duncan: If it happens again, you do whatever you have to to survive. You do whatever you have to!
Richie: NO! I can't kill you! I can't!

Joe to Duncan: With all the crap you guys go through, I'm surprised you're not all nuts.
Cop (to Duncan about his sword): And, Bruce? Leave this thing at home.

Robert: What's with you guys and the swords? There are easier ways to kill people.

Joe: What exactly did this guy see?
Duncan: Let's just say it's not something I want on the six o'clock news.
Joe: Some guy got a beheading on tape!
Duncan, clapping sarcastically: Ooooh!
Joe: You better find him!
Duncan: No kidding.

Duncan: Relax. It's not my life that's in your hands. Just my life *here*.
Joe: Oh, well, that takes the pressure off. It's a piece of cake now.
 

Anne: You said it wouldn't be a dull evening.
Duncan: We aim to please.

Richie: Doughnut?
Anne: Oh, no, those things'll kill ya.
David: Duncan was the first person I ever met who treated me like I was worth something.

(Mei Ling is talking about how her teacher began to see her as more than a student)
Mei Ling: So the student had to teach the teacher a lesson.
Duncan: And what was that?
Mei Ling: Sometimes a man's greatest asset is also his greatest liability. (She knees him in the you-know-where.)
Duncan: (bent over and groaning) I had to ask.

Michael Christian regarding Rita's plan for him to behead Trent: Chopping the head off a librarian. What's the point?

Joe: Everyone tends to root for their guy a little. It's an occupational hazard.

Richie (holding up tickets to a basketball? game): Courtside seats! Jack Nicholson does not have a better view!
Joe: Sometimes, in life, you have to do more than just watch.

Duncan: Are you always this annoying?
Fitzcairn: Of course, it's part of my personality.
 

Joe on phone to Duncan: You've got trouble.
Duncan: How come you never call me with good news?

Joe: MacLeod? Watch yourself, my friend.
Duncan: Always do.

Methos: It's good to be a myth.

Methos: That's what I'd ask, if I'd just met me.

Methos: I'm in charge of finding myself and I make sure it never happens.
Methos: Remember, Highlander: live, grow stronger, fight another day.

Maurice: Young men - they all think they are going to live forever.

Ceirdwyn: More blood does no' make it better! It never will.

Ceirdwyn: What about you, MacLeod? You ever loved anyone enough? Trusted anyone enough?
Duncan: Once. She was killed over a few dollars and a car.

Richie: It wasn't easy getting across town without any clothes.

Richie: I'd kiss you, but people might talk.
Duncan: They might.

Amanda to Duncan, about a Watcher following them: Try not to kill this one.

Hamza: ... And the people of your tribe eat grass.
Duncan: Oats! They eat oats!

Duncan to Joe: I know you wanted to see Methos, but six thousand miles is a little far to travel for a social visit.

Joe: What were you thinking about?
Methos: I wasn't thinking, I was improvising.
Joe: By cutting yourself open? It took you five thousand years to come up with that?
Methos: What were you expecting? Einstein? Freud? Buddha? I'm sorry, Joe, I'm just a guy.
Joe: I guess next you're gonna tell me there's no Santa Claus.

Methos, about the concept of Immortality: People living forever running around cutting each others' heads off with swords... It'll be filed away with alien abductions and Elvis sightings.

Joe: MacLeod, why did you save her?
Methos: He didn't save her. He saved you.

Joe: You can't stop this now.
Methos: No. Spin control. You know, I can answer a few questions, maybe reduce the hysteria.
Joe: Straight into the lion's den, huh? And what makes you think you're going to come out alive?
Methos: I've got a lot to offer. Five thousand years of history, Joe. I was there.
Joe: History's been written. And people have been known to kill the messenger that waltzes in with a new version of the truth.
Methos: Why would I tell the truth?

Methos: I was at the Colosseum in Rome, 93 A.D., I saw Christians facing the lions. Some of them looked almost happy to die for their faith.
Duncan: Your point, or are we just strolling down memory lane here?
Methos: That afterwards the only ones looking happy were the lions.

Methos to Duncan: If you die, Amanda will be free to date.